My thoughts on marriage

Since I've seen a couple posts about marriage over the past few days, I can't stop thinking about it and decided I needed to write out my own feelings on the subject. This might not be super coherent but oh well this is the internet not English 100. ANYWAYS here I go(this will be super long fyi)

TL;DR : marriage is not an escape, marriage is not butterflies and rainbows 25/8, marriage doesn't have an age limit

1. The phrase "just wait till you get married"- I despise this so much. It ruined not only my perception of marriage, but my perception of my own home and family that I live with. Let me start by saying, I've always been really independent. Thats all I wanted really, was to be a mature, independent woman who could take her own life into her own hands without constantly needing someone by her side. But alas, as a young desi girl, that is a mere fantasy. So I saw my home as a trap, with my parents being the guards, and this majestic future husband as the key holder to unleash me from my misery(dramatic, i know). I wanted so badly to either move out for college so i could be on my own (literally the only reason I wanted to go to college at one point) which my parents obviously didn't let me do, OR just get married! Problem solved! Then I could go out with my friends, go shopping, stay out for longer than an hour or two at a time, and buy and do whatever else I wanted without my parents saying anything to me. I could have my own privacy. My OWN life. And yes, I understand that its not the safest thing for women to be out by themselves nowadays, but why is it that when i get married and have to go grocery shopping by myself its all of a sudden ok? why is it that my husband is ok with it but my parents can't be? why should my husband let me go out to lunch with my friends if he's also supposedly supposed to be the most important person in my life? we all know lots of people in relationships struggle to make adequate time for their friends, so why should I wait and struggle to do that when I get married if I already have time for them before I get married?
While I currently struggle to answer these questions, younger me didn't lol. When I was younger, I decided I was ok with that, and couldn't WAIT till i got married. What 14-16 year old tries to get married?? Oh wait, one that has a completely misconstrued vision of what marriage really is. I wanted to get married for selfish reasons. I saw marriage as an escape, filled with someone to unconditionally love me when i thought my parents hated me(secretly they're the only people who unconditionally love you tbh). I never took the time to think, what happens when I hit a point in my relationship where Im struggling? The thing that I turned to to provide me an escape, can no longer do that anymore. Now I need an escape fRom my escape?? no lol. why can't we spend as much time trying to learn about how to build strong relationships as we do looking for the perfect rishta and planning bridal showers?? the supposed "perfect man/woman" isn't gonna make my life better if they don't know how. I'm not gonna know how to fix our problems together if i don't know how. yet all I'm busy worrying about is when my fairytale wedding will finally come to play so i can finally be free. isn't that the same type of BS disney princess movies are trying to feed us that were trying to get away from??

2. Age- this is another issue for some reason. i have different opinions on this, but in the end, i genuinely don't care what people choose to do with their lives. that being said, i have always wanted to get married at a fairly young age(obvi lol^). so, that is why i believe that "early" marriages are ok. but ONLY! if one is capable. if not, and one feels they are not ready, that is also GREAT! since "age is just a number" who cares what number in their life they get married at??
 i know a lot of people don't understand young couples and how they can manage to make something as big as a marriage work at such a small age. newsflash: not everyone is at the same maturity level as others. not everyone has the same LIFE GOALS as others! some want a job, some want a family, some want to live with a bunch of cats for the rest of their lives. and thats totally cool. but someone who just graduated college and wants to get married has the right to do so, as well as the person who wants to get a job, take care of themselves first, and THEN take care of another person.
idk why aunties are so focused on telling their kids "wait till you get married" because apparently marriage is seen as a mandatory, freedom inducing cultural ritual with an age restriction, instead of something that requires work and mature, logical thinking. its hard for kids to be more mature and logical if they're being holed away, sheltered at home all the time and then BAM have to do everything on their own once they get married. obviously this isn't the only thing that makes kids more mature, peoples brains can develop differently, but the point is, i think maturity and good thinking skills plays a key role in marriage.
2.0- trying to understand why this culture is so focused on getting kids married young, i think its because thats all indo-paki people know about because they were CAPABLE of taking care of a home at such young ages. in america, our levels of maturity, our understanding of responsibility, and our focus on freedom!! and independence!! *cue fireworks* is totally different because its a different culture. when these two cultures of collectivism and individualism collide, it makes for a lot of aunties and teenagers head butting with their ideas.
lastly, i believe in Qadr. so, if someone really is supposed to get married at 16, 17, 18 or 27, 28, 29(gasp!1!) then it will happen. regardless. so can we all stop judging people who do or don't get married? because sometimes maybe they do want to.. but its just not written for them yet. or maybe they don't really want to but they still get married. either way, to some degree, most of your life is based on destiny and thats why i think its unfair to even ask people when they're gonna get married because i mean does anyone know?? no.

if you made it this far, thanks, i love you. idek if any of this made sense.

ps shameless plug: i have moved to anamateurskitchen.blogspot.com

So recently my parents celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary *woooot* and since my mother's real cute, she decided to have a party and since I'm real nice, I decided to help her while I have finals and ten journal entry papers to do but I mean who cares about school right? 

I wanted to share some of the decor that we did, but most importantly, the pretty little cake that my sister and I made and worked so hard on. 

I baked the cake, made custard and frosting, and decorated the bottom tier with rossettes
 and my sister decorated the top tier and stuck little edible pearls all by herself. I'd never have the patience to do that myself so kudos to her!

My mom bought some flower garlands to hang on our stairway, and I convinced her to buy lanterns and pom poms because they're cute. I also made a poster that my cousin and I (mostly my cousin) tried to tape somewhere so it wouldn't fall for the bajillionth time and basically everything that day was just really cute..

Despite it being quite a bit of work, I had a lot of fun and it was nice seeing my parents be so happy :)  

You smell good (TFAM #4)

I havent done these in a while because I've been busy with school and Im actually still busy but my brain is so fried that I don't want to do anything besides mindlessly type about random things soooo heres another fact!
I collect perfume samples and love things that smell good. If I walk through a row of candles or perfumes, I have to smell every.single.one.
TRUE STORY. It is also the reason why I usually end up losing my mom at Kohls lol... but yea my mom says I loooved anything that smelled good even when I was younger, and I think Ibraheem is the same way (or he just has a really strong sense of smell) because he'll come running to smell my lotions and perfumes and stuff.. hes a goob.
Anyways, I think one of the reasons why I love scents so much is because theyre linked to memories(right? idk) so a lot of scents instantly remind me of things, and they also make me either feel happy or calm or classy and sophisticated and if I can feel like a new person just by smelling a candle, or spraying perfume, why not right? Even if that means I look like a crazy person opening every candle down the aisle. But I only do that because I mean what if I dont smell one that could potentially be really good??
I dont know where I'm going with this because Ibraheem interrupted me because he wanted to smell some "lamender" aka lavender essential oil..told you he likes smells. He doesn't even like the lavender one (hes like his favorite sister and prefers lemon) but I tried to see if he'd like it so maybe I could diffuse some around him so he can calm the heck down..
anywayssss I was gonna do another blog post on my essential oils so I guess this'll kinda segway into that, but that'll be after I finish my dumb finals and stuff smh.. soo yea. Gooodnight!

Peace and perfumes,
Saba

So recently, some things have happened that I've been anticipating for a long time and I've gone through other small things that have tested my patience. All of these things led me to realize something really important: everything happens under Allah's timing. And as long as you pray for it and work towards it, it will happen. Just when Allah wants it to happen. 

It took me a long time to realize this because I kept doubting whether I would eventually get what I wanted. I used to think that maybe I was doing something wrong, or I didn't deserve what I wanted, or I was just being majorly tested on this and I was failing. Nonetheless, I still tried to make dua and have as much faith as I could. 

Upon trying to reflect on the situation and reading several inspiring posts on the interwebz, I realized that it is super important to truly believe that Allah will answer your duas, or even give you something better than you asked for. And that you have to do your part to make as much of it come true as you can *aka tie your camel*. Let's face it, if you don't believe that you'll get what you want and you just sit around waiting for it to magically just fall from the sky, why should it even happen in the first place then? The more I thought about this, the more I realized that I needed to have faith and work harder, and wait for things to happen in their own time, not the time I want. I have to leave the rest to Allah because He truly is the best of planners and handles affairs in the most perfect way possible. 

. 

Cream Cheese Mashed Potatoes

THIS IS THE GREATEST THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO POTATOES SINCE HOT OIL.

Cream cheese.

Yes. 

It is great.

See, I was never a huge fan of mashed potatoes. I mostly took it as an excuse to eat gravy, because lets be honest, gravy is the better half of the mashed potatoes. But since I've stumbled upon this recipe, I think I actually like mashed potatoes as much as I like gravy. (don't tell gravy)

I didn't like mashed potatoes mostly because of the grainy texture and just how plain they tasted. Since both my siblings loove mashed potatoes I always thought something was wrong with me and decided to search pinterest for a recipe to make smoother mashed potatoes that might make me change my mind and I SURE DID.

Most of the recipes included either whipping or blending the potatoes and adding cream cheese. Or lots of butter. Or both. The cream cheese doesn't alter the taste of it really, but it makes it smooth and adds a tiiiny hint of pizzazz that mashed potatoes really need. Basically it's like the potatoes finally hired a much needed personal stylist.

*Note:This recipe requires an electrical mixer OR if you're like me and you're afraid of your electrical mixer because it is way too powerful and will splatter everything everywhere, then you beat it by hand like a crazy person. I've made these three times and didn't bring up the courage to use my electrical mixer until the third time and let me just tell you USE AN ELECTRIC MIXER. It somehow didn't splatter and made the job 1000x easier and I didn't burn 1000 calories trying to make mashed potatoes. Which is actually a good thing though so that way I can regain those calories by eating said mashed potatoes. SO ANYWAYS here is le breakdown of the recipe.

Ingredients: 
2 pounds of potatoes( I prefer russet)
3 T. Butter
4 oz. Cream Cheese
1/2 cup milk
Salt

Peel and cube the potatoes and cover with water in a large pot. I fill approximately half the pot with water. Season with salt. Boil for about 15 minutes, or until tender enough to puncture easily with a fork.

Drain the water completely. Add butter and cream cheese and beat until incorporated.

Add milk and blend until you have reached your desired consistency. For thicker, fluffier mashed potatoes, use less milk. To make it thinner, add more milk. You probably knew that though.

*Note: Mashed potatoes will become thicker the colder they get.

 At this point, taste the mashed potatoes and add more salt if needed.

Recipe adapted from here.

Rant Diaries 1

Ok so a couple posts back, I wrote about how I've always wanted to be a mom. I wrote that I would continue about that later, so I am *finally* writing about it, no thanks to my excellent procrastination skills.  
SO. The reason why the whole being a mom thing has been such a big deal is because it really confused me about my career choice throughout my life. I never bothered to think about other possibilities because aside from not being interested in anything, I just always assumed that everything would work out the way that I wanted it to and life would be great. When I started college, everyone was always asking me the two most important questions of your entire college career: "What's your major?" and "What are you gonna do with THAT??" Being a psych major, there are a few options I have if I choose to do something within this field. Not being emotionally stable and mature enough to deal with other people's problems, I knew immediately that I couldn't be an actual psychologist. Also being quite lazy, I didn't want to do anything that required more schooling or lots of hard work. Soo that doesn't leave me with many options or answers I can give to people when they ask "What do you want to do with your life huh" setting aside the fact that you really don't know what you want to do at the age of 16-17.

For the few people that I did tell that I always just envisioned myself being a mother and not really doing anything else, people would just laugh and say "that's cute, dont worry you still have time to figure something out" as if being a mom just isnt. good. enough. Let me tell you, being a housewife and a mother (and a GOOD one) is JUST as important as anything else and required JUST as much time and effort as anything else, if not more. Who else gets up at 2:30 in the morning to put a crying baby to sleep?  It annoyed me that women who do stay at home to take care of their husbands and/or children don't get enough recognition and appreciation as they should. It's a lot of work. So what if they don't sit behind a desk, tapping away at a keyboard and instead are raising the people who could potentially make the world a better place! And honestly... why is it anyone's business WHAT SOMEONE ELSE CHOOSES TO DO WITH THEIR LIFE?! 

It reeaaally frustrates me when people make comments and share their opinions that aren't positive at all because it's discouraging, and for someone like me who tends to be a people pleaser(woops im a middle child) I feel like I have to make sure everyone that I care about at least approves of what I do. I was scared to tell people I wanted to be a makeup artist because people tend to look down on it, and people have expressed to me that I could "do better than that" as if it's not that important. Sure, you're not saving someone's life, but it makes people feel better when they think they look better. So what if I want to do something that makes me and other people happy?? Why should anyone care if its not hurting others?

I am really thankful that my parents, and especially my father, always told us we could be whatever we wanted, and if we ever wanted a job, to make sure it was something we loved. My dad always stressed this and how important it was to do something we enjoyed because work wouldn't actually feel like work. He always tells us how he could be at his job for hours because to him, it doesn't feel like work. So growing up, I never knew why everyone had opinions that made me question what I wanted to do. I enjoy cooking, makeup, taking care of other people and little babies. If I want to be around those things, why does it matter to anyone else? 

Someone pls tell me bc I really don't know and now I'm just a confused 18 year old girl who feels like she should get her life together but also doesn't want to at the same time. sigh. rant over and PEACE OUTT,
Saba

Amatuer's Kitchen Presents: Spicy Fish Tacos with Cilantro Lime Coleslaw

WHY HELLO THERE

Soo as you can tell by the title, I'm changing things up a bit around here and throwing in some recipes and other stuff and it'll basically be kinda like a lifestyle blog. Yea.

The first recipe I am bringing to ya'll today is SPICY FISH TACOS. Three things I love all in one recipe. Lord bless the person who decided to make this a thing.

 

I love fish tacos, and fish anything really, and usually make these cilantro lime fish tacos. BUT since I've been on a spicy food kick a little more than ever, I decided to spice things up and try a different recipe (wow did u see wat i did there) AND AM I GLAD THAT I DID. They were amazing. I want more. I didn't expect coleslaw and fish to be that good but it was.

The coleslaw adds a nice slightly tart, cooling flavor and crunchy texture and its basically amazing and my dad, mom, and myself all agree that it was good enough to even just eat it by itself and since both my parents agree that means it was good. Seriously. We got some food critics in our family.

Also I know I don't know how else to describe food without using the words amazing and good bc I have the vocab of a five year old but I mean whatever pft I'm surviving :P


*Amateur Chef's note: I had to make a large quantity of fish because I had to feed 5 grown adults and leave some for lunch the next day as well so I just increased everything and kinda eyeballed it. Also, for toppings, you can add some green salsa(my fave), chipotle mayo, sliced onions, sour cream, or avocados. My stomach is highly sensitive to avocados now and I cant eat them so pls eat some for me whenever you're eating them :(

Spicy Fish Tacos with Cilantro Lime Coleslaw
(Serves 2)

Ingredients:
4 tilapia filets
8 corn tortillas

Seasoning:
-1/4 teaspoon paprika
-1/4 teaspoon coriander
-1/4 teaspoon oregano
-1/4 teaspoon basil
-1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
-1/2 teaspoon onion powder
-1/2 teaspoon chili powder
-1/2 teaspoon cumin
-dash of crushed red pepper(optional)
-2 teaspoons of salt
-1/4 cup of olive oil

Directions:
1. In a small bowl, mix all the seasoning ingredients with the olive oil.
2. Pour over tilapia, combine/stir everything together until each fish is nicely coated in spices.
3. In a large nonstick skillet over medium heat, cook the fish for about 3 minutes on each side until white and flaky.
4. Break the fish apart into small chunks or just cut each filet in half and place on warm tortillas and assemble your tacos!

    Cilantro Lime Coleslaw
*Cut this recipe in half to make a smaller amount for 8 tacos

Ingredients:
-1 bag of pre-prepared coleslaw cabbage mix (or slice your own cabbages and carrots)
-1/2 cup sour cream
-1/2 cup mayo
-1 handful of cilantro leaves, roughly chopped
-Juice of 3 limes
-salt to taste

Directions:
1. In a large bowl, mix together sour cream, mayonnaise, chopped cilantro, lime juice, and salt.
2. Add in the cabbage and mix until well incorporated.

Recipes adapted from here and here.


All the laughter and love from my kitchen to yours,
Saba